A Gamer's View #1 " Love Bites"

Right now I'm sitting here crying. Yes I said crying. No its not because my favorite game broke or my system died. It's because my heart is broken. I love her. I understand that she doesn't want to be with guys right now. IT doesn't stop it from hurting though. I think about you all the time. There are times that I just want to hold on to you tight,melt in to you and forget the world around us. I want you to be happy. I also don't want you to hold your self back in fear of hurting me. I'll get over it. I always do. Even though it would feel like a dagger though the chest I'll get over it. You told me I shouldn't hold it inside. But if I told you what i really felt it could ruin our friendship. I don't want that to happen. Your my rock in this world. There have been times where I wanted to take the cowards way out of life. But you seem to show up or call at just the right time. You pulled me from the darkness so many times I lost count.Yesterday really fucking hurt. Thats why I was hiding in my own little world with music blasting in my ears. I couldn't face you with out crying or saying something I would regret later. Not until I composed my self. This might blog might come off as a little bit selfish but its the truth. Franky I don't want to meet anyone else..Male or female..your one of a kind. You make me laugh smile and feel good about my self. And yeah as you said it your self you can be an asshole. But ya gotta take the bad with the good right? I may feel alone right now. I might be alone for the rest of my life. But I would be waiting for you. Your the only one I want in my life. The only one I want to share my life with. That will never change. I might have meet a few other people. But there just friends nothing more...they don't make me feel as good as you do. You make me feel alive. You mean the world to me. (QUICK NOTE TO THE READERS: I know my blog/thoughts seem to jump from place to place It's because that is how I'm thinking right now. Sorry for anyone who is confused...)I'm Sitting here looking at my buddy list to see if your still idling. You are.I enjoy the time we spend together I know its not much but when we do,I forget all my problems and i feel safe and at peace around you. It's almost 2 pm now,I usually would of heard from you by now. Something in me is scared. I think yesterday affected us more then I cared to admit. Matter of fact, I think it's stora better I don't hear form you right now. It would probably push me off the edge I been teetering on for so long.